Gentle Guidance When Words Are Hard to Find
Talking to children about death can feel daunting. Many adults worry about saying the wrong thing — but with calm, compassionate guidance, it is possible to help children understand what has happened in a way that feels safe, honest and reassuring.
At Robert A. Drew & Son, we support families across Hull, Willerby and the surrounding areas with thoughtful, step-by-step guidance. Every child experiences grief differently. Some may talk openly, others may become quiet, and some may express their feelings through play, drawing or changes in behaviour.
There is no “right” way for a child to grieve — only their way. With patience, reassurance and the right support, children can begin to make sense of loss at their own pace.
1 — Use Clear and Honest Words
Gentle, simple language is usually best. While it can feel tempting to soften the truth, phrases such as “gone to sleep” or “lost” can be confusing or frightening for children.
Being honest — in an age-appropriate way — helps children feel safe and builds trust. Children may ask questions repeatedly as they try to understand what has happened. You don’t need to have all the answers. Listening calmly is often more important than explaining everything.
2 — Create a Safe Space for Feelings
Children can express grief in many different ways — through talking, silence, drawing, play, tears or anger. All of these responses are natural.
Let children know:
• It is okay to feel sad
• It is okay to ask questions
• It is okay not to know how they feel
When emotions are accepted rather than corrected, children feel more secure and supported.
3 — Listen Gently
Try to listen more than you speak. Allow children to talk when they are ready, without pressure.
Simple reassurances such as “I’m here if you want to talk” or “That sounds really hard” can make a significant difference. Feeling heard helps children feel safe.
4 — Provide Reassurance and Routine
After a loss, children may worry about what will change next. Reassure them that they are still loved, cared for and protected.
Keeping familiar routines — such as school, mealtimes and bedtime — can provide comfort and stability. Knowing that some things remain the same helps reduce anxiety.
5 — Gentle Tools That Can Help
Some children find it easier to express their feelings through activities rather than words. Helpful ideas include:
- Creating a memory box with photos, letters or drawings
- Reading stories together
- Drawing or colouring
- Lighting a candle in memory
- Writing a letter or message
These quiet moments often open the door to gentle conversation.
6 — Recommended Books for Children and Young People
For Ages 3–7
For Ages 7–12
For Teenagers & Young Adults
Reading together can help children recognise their feelings and understand that grief is something many people experience — they are not alone.
7 — Professional Help & Support
If a child seems particularly distressed or struggles over time, additional support can be very helpful.
National Support Organisations
Local Support
We can help families find:
Please speak to us if you would like help finding support locally — we are always here to assist.
You Are Not Alone
Supporting a child through grief takes time, patience and care — and you do not have to face it alone.
At Robert A. Drew & Son, we are here to offer gentle guidance whenever it is needed.
If you would like to talk — we will listen.
If you need help finding words — we are here for you.
If you need support — we will guide you, one step at a time.
Robert A. Drew & Sons Ltd
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Telephone: 01482 656537
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Email: robertadrew@robertadrew.karoo.co.uk
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Address: Robert A. Drew & Sons Ltd, 78 Main Street, Willerby, Hull HU10 6BZ
Robert A. Drew & Son
A calm presence.
A caring hand.
Here for your family — always.